REFOCCUS is designed to help you communicate, understand and study your relationship. It has five sections that refocus
your attention on the core issues of relationships. These topics touch both the "big picture" and the daily routine of
relating. It cannot be used by itself to measure how you relate. It can be a sharply focussed tool to help you
affirm what is strong in your relationship and help you explore areas ready for growth and solutions to problems.
How Does REFOCCUS WORK?
| Each Section has statements to each of which you will both independently respond with
| I agree | , | I disagree | or | I am uncertain | . |
You will then develop a guideline for discussion
- by comparing your individual responses
- by comparing these responses to the authors' response
- by checking statements for special discussion when your responses disagree with each other and the authors' response
- by determining any statements other than those checked for special discussion that you wish to explore further.
You now have a profile of your relationship in the topic area. You will then open to the inside of the section and
- read the materials that focus the overall meaning/approach of the section
- begin to probe more fully the statements you have determined for in-depth discussion.
Take Note
- A large number of statements checked for special discussion does not mean that the couple relationship is
necessarily in trouble. It can mean that a couple is highly motivated and/or experienced in relationship enrichment.
Such couples a) are aware of what is going on in their relationship and b) have high ideals for "what could be even
better." So, more to discuss can be better.
- It is important not to overload yourselves as individuals or your relationship with too much discussion in too
compact a time. This can be discouraging and counter-productive. You may want to stop after discussing 4
statements (2 affirming, 2 problematic) and set another time for more.
When you have completed your discussion of the first section of REFOCCUS, you will move to the other sections in
order. You will want to take plenty of time for reflection and for discussion of each section. REFOCCUS is intended to be
an instrument for in-depth study, understanding and communication. Usually it is good to take a week or more break
between REFOCCUS sections so that you can approach each with fresh insight and energy.
You will want to keep the REFOCCUS packet after you have used it once. The statements call for responses about what
you see/think/feel/believe now about your relationship. The answers may well be different today than they would have
been two years ago or than they will be in six months. Next year you may want to go through one or all the sections again;
use REFOCCUS on your regular 10.000 mile relationship check-ups!
