AFFINITIES : Debate - Quotes and Comment
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......... I believe that family breakdown and father absence are among the most severe issues facing us. ..... Is it not time that we put greater emphasis on prevention rather than cure? ......... we urgently need a national debate......... [Andrew Selous, Conservative MP - Hansard Column 212-214 27 Nov 2003 ]
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What's most important to people is their personal relationships; what makes most people happiest is a good marriage, a good family life. [Patricia Hewitt, Secretary of State for Trade and Industry - Daily Telegraph 15 Oct 2003]
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The Government should, however, have no role in promoting "family values" by supporting the institution of marriage. We shouldn't be morally telling people how to lead their lives - that really is the nanny state... [Margaret Hodge, Minister of State for Children - Electronic Telegraph 06 Sep 2003 [And now Tony Blair is complaining about yobbish behaviour - a lack of respect in society - see 'The Sun', 14th May 2005 below. What does HMG really want? Ed].]
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The Government also have to come forward with proposals in relation to preparation for marriage and with proposals that recognise the need for concerted and focused action to support the institution of marriage and the family. [Paul Boateng, Shadow LCD spokesman in the House of Commons - Hansard Column 485 24 Apr 1996 - and subsequently a member of the Cabinet and the Treasury Minister responsible for marriage registration services]
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Is there not some ambivalence here? Paul Boateng was a Cabinet Minister at the Treasury which is responsible for the General Register Office. There was nothing to suggest in the debate on the Queen's Speech [Nov 2003] that the White Paper 'Delivering Vital Change' [July 2003] will herald 'concerted and focused action to support the institution of marriage and the family,' yet he was complaining [Hansard Column 485 24 April 1996] when he was a Shadow spokesman 'there is no preparation at all for civil marriage'. Will Paul Boateng's colleagues either eat his words, or act on them? People are entitled to know whether HMG really wants 'vital change', because it doesn't look like it. [As ever - see 'stop mumbling' by Lord Northbourne below, and Tony Blair on 'respect' [The Sun 14th May 2005, later below]. HMG wants to appear to be in favour of marriage, provided it can continue to undermine it with impunity. As Lord Northbourne said, 'the Government have to come off the fence' Ed].]
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..it is important to invest in strong and stable marriages. Such services could include marriage preparation initiatives, work at major turning points in a couple's relationship, such as the birth of a first child ... [Gary Streeter, Conservative MP - Hansard Column 536 17 Jun 1996]
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It must be the objective of every hon. Member from whatever party they come to do everything that they can to bolster families and to support and preserve the institution of marriage. [Barbara Roche, Labour MP - Hansard Column 796 25 Mar 1996]
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The family was not created by the state and cannot be imposed by law. But as Gordon Brown rightly said, we can send 'critical signals through the tax system' that married life is something society values. And we should do so. ['How should Conservatives support marriage and full-time parenting?' by Peter Lilley MP - published in Conservatism magazine. ]
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The hon. Member for Gainsborough and Horncastle (Mr. Leigh) talked about the importance of preparation for marriage. I should like us to give much more emphasis to marriage preparation in schools. Marriage preparation should be in the national curriculum, and I look forward to when that happens. [Mrs. Diana Maddock Liberal Democrat MP Hansard Column 539 17 Jun 1996]
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........ figures show all too clearly the low value that our society places today on stable relationships..... the Government have to come off the fence. They have to stop mumbling the formula, "It is not the job of government to interfere in the way that adults live their lives". In matters of such importance as social exclusion and anti-social behaviour, the Government have a duty to articulate the shared values of our society. Fathers matter. Committed relationships matter. Time spent with children matters....... The solution in my view can lie only in enabling adults to cope more successfully with committed stable relationships and in our celebrating those who do it. [Lord Northbourne House of Lords Hansard Column 1133-4 18 Jul 2003]
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We live in a society today which has changed much since the head of an Oxford college said to his students in a sermon a hundred years ago: 'Gentlemen, I implore you not to imperil your immortal souls in a practice which, I am reliably informed, lasts no more than 2¾ minutes'. [Lord Northbourne House of Lords Hansard Column 1294-6 24 Mar 1999 ]
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.... Jack Dominian [Founder of One Plus One, the independent UK marriage and partnerships research organisation], who is possibly one of the greatest experts in this country on the subject of marriage, said that, 'The only way to reduce marriage breakdown is preparation for marriage'......... An intelligent young Roman Catholic priest from Australia who deals regularly with marriage preparation told me that many of the couples say to him, 'Father, we know all about it. We know you have to do this but it's only a formality, isn't it?' His attitude is, 'Yes, it's only a formality but I have to do something about it. Would you mind filling in this questionnaire? You go over there; and you go over there'. In many cases, even on the simplest question the couple's answers are completely different. [Lord Northbourne House of Lords Hansard Column 1426 2 Jul 1996 ]
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British teens a 'timebomb' - Young people in Britain are increasingly likely to be overweight, indulge in binge drinking, have a sexually transmitted infection and suffer mental health problems........ Access to services is key. Do we really expect a 15-year-old boy with gonorrhoea to take time off school to visit his doctor and talk about his sex life? .... how [can] the NHS ..... cope with the looming health crisis? [Vivienne Nathanson, British Medical Association head of science and ethics - 08/01/2004 South African Press Association]
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A whole raft of wicked problems cannot be solved by single agencies, and somewhere along the line you have to get people to work together across organisational boundaries......... If the government of the day does not set some expectations about the way in which they want people in the public sector to work in partnership, they are just missing a trick. In lots of areas with some of these wicked problems we are seeing decades of neglect, and people haven’t worked together so a degree of pressure, cajoling, bribing with grants are often required to get something going. [Lord Warner, Minister for Health - chairman of the National Council for Voluntary Organisations - formerly adviser to HMG on family policy and the active community. January 2004 ]
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The bishop said the pope's main interest was family life and strengthening families through marriage preparation and support in general. 'He said, 'It's important that we have strong, strong families.' I said that was one of the important goals of our diocese, to have strong families.' The pope was also pleased that the diocese has a full-time family life minister. [Bishop Edmond Carmody's May 17-22 2004 "ad limina" visit to Rome - South Texas Catholic News]
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....... the one area crucial to the best development of children, that has for decades lacked serious investment by our society is parents, and especially married parents....... [The Rt Rev. James Jones - Thought for the Day, 21 July 2004]
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I didn't marry you because you were perfect. I didn't even marry you because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults. And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage. And when our children were growing up, it wasn't a house that protected them; and it wasn't our love that protected them - it was that promise. [Thornton Wilder, The Skin of Our Teeth [link no longer available]]
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1. Sex is not completely safe with a condom, though when used correctly, these can reduce the risk of some infections such as HIV. 2. Some teenagers are more at risk from STI's because of a promiscuous lifestyle. 3. When you have sex with someone, you are at risk of contracting the infections of all previous partners they might have had. The only way to enjoy entirely safe sex is to only have one sexual partner who has not had a previous sexual relationship. 4. An STI can be passed on through skin/genital contact, not just full penetrative intercourse. [Cris Pregnancy Centre - Hull]
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..... service providers ‘are perplexed that the government seems unaware of the connection between the quality of adult relationships and the well-being of children, at least when allocating funds and the lack of ‘joined up thinking’ among government departments (2003, 24). They argue that while funding goes to parenting and children’s services, there is minimal financial support for services to couples. ['Addressing Problems of Marriage: Are Governments Part of the Solution?' Elizabeth van Acker, Department of Politics and Public Policy, Griffith University, Brisbane, Queensland, Australia]
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Martin (2003) argues the government ‘finds itself supporting and promoting marriage on the one hand and chipping away at the institution of marriage on the other’ (3). She argues that too many groups with alternative agendas to marriage are receiving MARS funding while more appropriately pro-marriage organisations and initiatives are being disadvantaged. She argues that ... [HMG] ... must re-evaluate its funding process because groups that have agendas outside the objectives of MARS are receiving grants. ['Addressing Problems of Marriage: Are Governments Part of the Solution?' Elizabeth van Acker, Department of Politics and Public Policy, Griffith University, Brisbane, Queensland, Australia]
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There is no greater danger to the church today than from priests who do not pay attention to their own personal moral integrity. [Rt Revd Peter Price - Bishop of Bath and Wells - Changing Lives Toolkit - Resources to help think through the implications of Local Ministry Groups ]
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THE biggest change in society over the past 25 years is the way respect has disappeared. Yobbish behaviour, road rage, graffiti and petty crime indicate no respect for others. Drunkenness, drug-taking, teenage pregnancy and truancy are symptoms of a lack of self-respect. So we warmly applaud Tony Blair’s campaign to bring back what some will wrongly see as an old-fashioned virtue..... Learning to value yourself and others starts in the home then continues in school...... It’s a massive challenge, Mr Blair. But please don’t give up. [The Sun - 14th May 2005 [It's a pity about The Sun's efforts on Page 3 which do nothing to help young women value themselves, Ed].]
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'Times have changed and there is no longer the respect towards adults that there was in the 1950s', says Miss Kelly ....... She is a strong defender of marriage. 'All the evidence shows that marriage is the best context for bringing up children; children's outcomes tend to be better. It's to do with stability,' she says. But she does not think that the Government should give financial support to the institution. [Ruth Kelly - Secretary of State for Education - The Telegraph 23/04/2005 [So why is it appropriate for HMG to invest in other worthy institutions, but not marriage? If marriage fosters stability why can't Ruth Kelly and Tony Blair start to tackle yobbish behaviour by supporting marriage - see below for Singapore Government incentive for marriage preparation, as advocated by Paul Boateng when he was the Shadow LCD minister in the House of Commons - see above, Ed].]
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'Couples who have attended these programmes have said that it had helped them to be better prepared both mentally and emotionally for a life together. Upon successful completion of the programme you and your spouse will receive a $70 rebate from the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS).' [Singapore Government web site, on marriage preparation programmes, including FOCCUS. [So why can't HMG provide a similar incentive for marrying couples in the UK? Ed].]
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The Archbishop of Canterbury put marriage at the heart of the election yesterday, saying that support for family stability was not a matter of middle class, Middle England nostalgia but of 'life and death'.... Dr Rowan Williams said that family breakdown had contributed to a generation of 'rootless and alienated' youths which was fuelling crime. 'The climate of chronic family instability, sexual chaos and exploitation, drug abuse and educational disadvantage is a lethal cocktail,' he said...... His intervention follows a similar letter from the Roman Catholic bishops last month....... [Dr Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury in an open letter to the party leaders before the 2005 UK May general election reported in The Daily Telegraph 1-4-05.]
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We worry about crime, yet we often seem not to notice that the present penal system is characterised by staggeringly high levels of reoffending. Do we want punishment to change anything? Are we investing enough in the possibilities of 'restorative justice' and in first class education and rehabilitation facilities throughout the prison service? No one seems really convinced that we have a working system; building more prisons is no answer. Why not say so and propose a better way? Who’s going to make history by offering a constructive alternative in penal policy, a plan that actually sets out to address offending behaviour? [Dr Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury in an open letter to the party leaders before the 2005 UK May general election and reproduced in full at his web site. [please note: Community Family Trusts [www.nacft.org.uk] working in conjunction with Time for Families [www.timeforfamilies.org.uk] are providing rehabilitation services in a number of prisons for prisoners and their partners, including the use of a specially devised inventory - with mentoring - for both prisoner and partner [www.talk2me.org.uk]. ]
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It is fashionable to say that marriage and family life cannot be stimulated by financial incentives. This seems a curiously sentimental view. After all, throughout the history of the family, decisions about when to marry, and who to marry, have been strongly conditioned by financial pressures. And today more than ever before, it is part of the new consensus that financial incentives can influence our conduct in every other aspect of life. I would only add that the divorce rate in France is about half ours - and the situation is not very different in Germany, where again the tax system is much more marriage-friendly than it is in the United Kingdom. [The FOURTH KEITH JOSEPH MEMORIAL LECTURE BY FERDINAND MOUNT 23RD March 2000 "HOME PAGES: NEW DOMESTIC AGENDA FOR THE NEXT GOVERNMENT" ]
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On the same day that Mr Blair was wringing his hands, the Office for National Statistics was reporting that a record 42 per cent of births in Britain last year took place outside wedlock, 10 per cent up on 1994. Over recent decades, the number of marriages has declined as fast as the number of illegitimate births has been increasing. Over the same period, too, a flood of sociological evidence from both sides of the Atlantic, and from such distinguished sociologists as Norman Dennis and James Q Wilson, has shown that the children of married couples tend (on average, I stress) to live longer, healthier and happier lives. More recent research has indicated that nothing helps a young man in a tough neighbourhood to find work and stay out of trouble more than getting married. That, if you like, is the quick way to join the culture of respect. Yet it is over those same decades that most of the legal, fiscal and social structures underpinning marriage have been demolished by Labour and Tory governments alike. And Michael Howard has been just as leery as Labour of doing anything to restore those privileges. Labour's manifesto this time ploughed on about supporting families for a good 1,200 words without mentioning marriage once. Ditto the Tories. Yet I really cannot see how the breakdown of family life, especially in poorer areas, can be irrelevant to the breakdown of respect and law-abidingness. And it is odd that a government that boasts of having influenced behaviour in every other sphere of life should be so reluctant to accept the influence of its actions in this one. [How can you blame the parents without encouraging marriage? By Ferdinand Mount - The Daily Telegraph 18/05/2005]
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Many working in the field of marriage and relationship support consider it to rank low on the Government’s priority list.......... They are perplexed that the Government seems unaware of the connection between the quality of adult relationships and the well-being of children, at least when allocating funds, and the lack of “joined up thinking” among government departments. Although the Lord Chancellor indicated in Moving Forward Together that “Supporting adult couple relationships is a vital and growing part of the Government’s wider agenda for supporting families,” and that government departments are urged to work together, MARS organisations describe wanting more cross-government contact and opportunities for joint ventures. I heard frustration over the government’s largess in terms of money for parenting and children’s services and its relative minimal financial support for services to couples. Doubt was also expressed over the extent to which relationship issues and skills were actually being addressed in Personal, Social and Health Education classes. [Divorce Intervention & Prevention: Comparison of Policy Initiatives in England and Wales and in the USA by Karen R. Blaisure, Ph.D. This report is the result of work carried out while in the United Kingdom as an Atlantic Fellow in Public Policy from August 2002 to June 2003. The Atlantic Fellowships in Public Policy were established by The British Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) in 1994 to commemorate the 50th anniversary of D-Day and the US contribution to the liberation of Europe. The FCO sponsors and funds and the British Council administers the Atlantic Fellowships in Public Policy. [no link is available to the full report] ]
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'Given that couple families have to earn so much more to escape poverty, it’s not surprising that the number of children living in poor two-parent families hasn’t fallen. Some two-parent families have incomes which are below the poverty line but do not receive either the working tax credit or the child element of the child tax credit. This helps to explain why child poverty is not coming down as quickly as the Government had hoped.' Ministers have often said that support should be given on the basis need - not family structure. [Don Draper of CARE - Weekly Update of UK Marriage News - No 5.18 01/05/2005 [The assertion that support should be given on the basis of need is now one only the Horse Marines can believe. Ed] ]
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Many of the gang members, it seems, are looking to replace the fathers they never, or barely, knew. When I ask about his own father, "N" says: "I don't see 'im at all. He split up with me mum when I was about six." [Smackhead Alley by Adam Lusher - Daily Telegraph 22/5/05]
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Ch Supt Baines said abusive and alcohol-fuelled gangs of young people all over the country are hanging around on street corners intimidating people and causing trouble. "They then go on to damage property or, as we have seen with Mr Carroll, to commit a very vicious and unprovoked assault. They are feral, have no parental control or respect for anybody and are often fuelled by alcohol." He said the force was targeting the 10 worst families in the area but added, "It is not just individuals, it is the whole family. They all lead a life of crime and are a corrosive influence on the area. "I have spoken to parents who are unconcerned that their 14-year-old child has been arrested for a serious assault or robbery. But they are concerned that they might lose their house." [BBC News - Feral youths on 'rampage of fear' 17/5/05]
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At the times when families come under the most pressure; in the preparation for marriage, on the big day, at the birth of a child or the death of a family member, the Registrar is the person who we all must notify of these events. And so it is they who are ideally placed to provide information and act as a gateway for support and help.... We know this is already working in a small number of cases, and expanding it could help prevent more relationship breakdown. It is for that reason that we would like to see our registrars actively displaying and promoting the services of groups like the Community Family Trust. [THERESA MAY SUPPORTS COMMUNITY FAMILY TRUSTS February 2005 ]
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The biggest problem facing Britain today is the breakdown in family life. It is hardly surprising that so many young people have such little respect for other people or property when they have no resident father and when the Government pump out an incessant message about knowing your rights and place such little emphasis on accepting responsibility.... According to an excellent and well-researched report, "Experiments in Living: The Fatherless Family", produced by Civitas in 2002, children living without their biological fathers are more likely to have emotional problems and to get into trouble at school, and they face a higher risk of experiencing health problems. That message may be unpalatable — unlike hon. Members who are making their maiden speeches, I do not have to be uncontroversial — even to the so-called modernising tendency in my party, but the message is crystal clear. We owe it to today's young people to rescue them from growing up in an environment that is devoid of respect. We need to frame a benefits system that rewards those who do the right thing instead of, as now, rewarding the feckless, and we need to reinforce the message that marriage is the surest foundation for raising children. [Gerald Howarth MP (Conservative) Aldershot - House of Commons debates Tuesday, 24 May 2005]
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........ antisocial behaviour is a very important problem; it is the most commonly raised issue with me when I knock on people's doors. I welcome the fact that the Government have placed such emphasis on it....... There are a number of issues associated with crime and antisocial behaviour that it is not possible for politicians to tackle directly through legislation. We cannot pass laws here automatically making people good mannered and considerate, but we can try to address the underlying causes of crime and antisocial behaviour. [Jeremy Browne MP for Taunton (LD) - 26th May - maiden speech - Hansard]
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...... our strategy to tackle anti-social behaviour is about making sure we do make a difference to the quality of life of thousands, if not millions, of people. We have the opportunity to take action to ensure our communities can live free from fear and harassment. As public servants we will rightly be judged by whether we can deliver this change. We, as a Government, are determined to rise to the challenge. [New Labour has had the opportunity for eight years, but speaker after speaker said in the debate on 26th May 2005 [Hansard] that anti-social behaviour was the number 1 doorstep issue in the recent general election; so what has New Labour actually done with their opportunity that has had any beneficial effect? Ed] [Developing Locally-Led Responses to Anti-Social Behaviour - Beverley Hughes MP - Minister of State, Home Office Tuesday, June 10th, 2003 - NLGN Conference ]
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... we know that the Town or County Hall can feel remote to citizens, which is why we want to support the development of neighbourhood level decision-making. [So why can't HMG persuade the ONS to publish annual Neighbourhood Statistics about couple and family formation and dissolution so that neighbourhood level decision-making about domestic and social cohesion can be conducted more effectively? Ed] [The Politics of Empowerment - David Miliband MP - Minister for the Cabinet Office - Wednesday, January 19th, 2005 - NLGN Annual Conference ]
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Clause IV of Labour’s constitution commits the party to put “power, wealth and opportunity in the hands of the many not the few”. [So why does HMG pursue antithetical tax and benefit policies towards marriage when the evidence is that married couples accumulate more wealth and claim fewer benefits? With 42% of babies now being born to unmarried parents is not the perverse outcome which HMG is now promoting nothing less than the concentration "power, wealth and opportunity" into the fewer and fewer hands of those who marry and stay married? Ed] [The Politics of Empowerment - David Miliband MP - Minister for the Cabinet Office - Wednesday, January 19th, 2005 - NLGN Annual Conference ]
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'Strong families are the building blocks of strong communities and key to tackling anti-social behaviour', Home Office Minister Beverley Hughes said today. The Government is spearheading a radical agenda to tackle anti-social behaviour. Ms Hughes today emphasised the vital role that families play in providing positive role models and teaching respect and responsibility. Speaking at a New Local Government Network conference she reiterated the Government's commitment to supporting families and to enforcing solutions when help is refused. [STRONG FAMILIES, STRONG COMMUNITIES Reference: 155/2003 - Date: 10 Jun 2003 10:40 - Home Office Press Release]
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We must understand people's two central aspirations which surely we all feel - whatever our age. First, we want freedom and opportunity - to feel that we can make life better for ourselves and our families ........ But we want something else too - to know who we are, bound by ties of affinity. We want to feel that we have roots and identities. We want to serve some project or cause that is greater than ourselves. It may be a family. And at historic moments it can be the whole nation. We want a society where there are strong social ties ........ of cohesiveness and community. [David Willetts - Shadow Secretary of State for Trade & Industry - Speech to the Social Market Foundation Thursday 2nd June 2005]
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...... the enormous cost of our increasingly fractured and brutish society is unsustainable. It has to be tackled by restoring integrity to the family and education and fundamentally reforming the welfare state. The alternative is social suicide. ['The two faces of Britain', by Melanie Phillips - Daily Mail 25 May 2005]
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What makes this crisis positively surreal, however is that the single most important cause of feral children and the collapse of respect for authority is the single issue that no politician will talk about — the destruction of the family. The biggest reason for the rise in crime is the relentless growth of a lethal sub-culture of fatherless children and disorderly homes. While many lone parents do a good job of bringing up their children, the fact remains that most delinquents have fractured family lives. There are whole communities where committed fathers are unknown. As a result the process of socialising children has broken down, leading to children from emotionally chaotic backgrounds violently acting out their disturbance in school before being sucked into crime. The truth is that the family is the crucible of social order. Break the family, and you break social order. How can children respect their parents when at the deepest level they believe that their parents have abandoned them? Such abandonment makes children feel they are worthless. If they don’t even respect themselves, how can they be expected to respect authority? Mr Blair was absolutely right to say that the causes of crime are rooted in family and parenting, but he cannot just shrug off responsibility. For his government has consistently promoted the lethal fiction that all types of family are of equal value in bringing up children. Tax and welfare policies have provided financial incentives for lone parenthood and penalised marriage. As a result, cohabitation has soared and getting on for half of all children are now born outside marriage. ['Respect in the age of degradation' by Melanie Phillips - Daily Mail, 19 May 2005 ]
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What matters above all is that a consistent signal is given that not just lawlessness but incivility and both formal and informal rule-breaking will not be tolerated. In the US, crime and disorder have been curbed by precisely this consistency from pro-marriage and abstinence policies to zero-tolerance of crime on the streets. ['Respect in the age of degradation' by Melanie Phillips - Daily Mail, 19 May 2005]
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Our society is becoming increasingly fractured. Whether it is growing rates of teenage pregnancy and family breakdown, sink estates plagued with crime and drugs, alienation among the young or loneliness in old age, our politics needs to focus on building a stronger society. ['What my son has taught me about caring' by David Cameron MP - Shadow Secretary of State for Education & Skills - June 2005]
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On the great battlefields of marriage and the family, education and culture, morality and law, the Tories have been utterly outmanoeuvred and bypassed. Because they did not fight, they co-operated in the destruction of their own electorate. To this day, they have no idea why it is that they are so despised by the young ...... The Tories have failed in all these things because they have neither an ideology nor an instinct ...... But in these revolutionary times, faced with opponents wholly committed to political correctness (or Frankfurt School Marxism, to give it its more serious and frightening name), it is not enough. ['Conservatives do not have a party' by Peter Hitchens - The Spectator 18th June 2005]
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The government's tax, benefit and work policies leave women juggling work and motherhood, unfulfilled by either. Perversely, attempts to free women from the shackles of convention have narrowed opportunity. Labour has always refused to 'dictate' family structure, which effectively means rejecting policies that favour two parents. So, even though the root of our social problems appears to be family breakdown, it can't support the nuclear family because that's a Tory line. Labour's family policy is distorting notions of diversity into inequality. Accommodating personal choice, the principle behind rejecting pro-family policy, is no longer expanding but limiting the freedoms of families..... If personal freedom is the basis of bending over backwards to not favour two-parent families, the government needs to reconsider the impact this freedom is having on life chances, particularly those of women and children. It continues to see anything resembling pro-family policy as the territory of the Tories. Yet there is huge distinction between reactionary tradition and encouraging people who have children to raise them in a stable partnership. There is a big difference between morally condemning lone parenthood and striving to keep families together. [Prosperity is a family affair - The government is happy to promote the welfare of children but is failing to support their parents - Anastasia de Waal, research fellow at the thinktank Civitas, Sunday June 26, 2005 - The Observer ]
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The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists offer the following ideas.... Social scientists and clinicians have found two dozen or so specific factors that predict future marital satisfaction. These factors can be viewed as forming a triangle - a model known as the marriage triangle. The three major factors in the triangle are: - Individual traits. These include an individual's personality traits and emotional health, as well as values, attitudes, and beliefs. Examples of such traits are: flexibility and self-esteem (positive factors), depression and impulsiveness (negative factors), interpersonal skills (e.g., assertiveness), and realistic beliefs about marriage. - Couple traits. These include couple communication and conflict-resolution skills, degree of acquaintance (how long and how well the couple has known each other), similarity of values and goals (positive factors), and living together as a trial marriage (negative factor). - Personal and relationship contexts. These include family background characteristics such as previous marriages, existing children, the quality of an individual's parents' marriage, family relationship quality, age at marriage, and parents' and friends' approval of the relationship. There are a number of comprehensive premarital assessment questionnaires that are helpful in this process. They include: Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study (FOCCUS) ....... [Family Matters - Social scientists suggest factors that predict marital satisfaction - by Jim May, The Midland Reporter-Telegram, 26th June 2005 ]
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We don't view society from above, like some national project to be managed, directed and monitored. We look at society from the bottom up. Individuals. Families. Communities. Voluntary organisations and faith groups. Businesses. All the complex wonder of a modern, diverse country......... The second great challenge we face is social breakdown and its consequences. There is one institution that is massively undervalued in our society. It brings up children with the right values. It takes care of the elderly and the sick. It helps those who are left behind. It can make us happy when we're sad. That institution is the family......... Modern families come in all shapes and sizes - and they all need support. But real modernisation means facing up to the facts. All the evidence shows that children benefit the most from having both parents - mother and father - involved together in their upbringing. And the evidence also shows that married couples have a better chance of staying together longer. So a modern Conservative party should support marriage. We should use the law, the tax and benefits system and other mechanisms to encourage families to get together and stay together. And we have to stop government from doing things that undermine the family......... There is no more important job in our society than raising children. Real modernisation means having the confidence and the courage to say that there's more to life than money. If the pursuit of material wealth and personal advancement ends in damaged and broken families, then that's a price that's not worth paying. I believe it's our responsibility as politicians to give a lead on these issues, because the cost of family breakdown is shared by all of us. And so we have a shared responsibility to do something about it. We're all in this together......... And so my third priority is to give more responsibility for social action to the people who very often have the best solutions. People like the thousands of creative, dynamic and above all effective social enterprises and voluntary organisations within our communities. Social entrepreneurs make an inspirational contribution to our communities. We need to give them more power, to do more good. But the social sector will only be a full partner for social action when the public sector learns how to let go. [David Cameron's speech to Policy Exchange - David Cameron, the shadow education secretary, today gave a speech to the Policy Exchange thinktank, setting out his vision for the future of the Conservative party - Wednesday June 29, 2005 in The Guardian]
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To make families stronger, we need to teach interpersonal skills in schools. Findings show that stable couples fight about as often as unstable couples, but they fight better. One can teach people to attack the issue and not the person, to set aside a cooling-off period before issues are tackled, and not to bring up everything that ever happened before at each opportunity. We also need more marriage preparation sessions........... For communitarians who want to shift the balance back from the radical individualism of the eighties towards the needs of the community, the priority is to work both on the side of culture and on the economy. The communitarian agenda calls for a change in values and for new measures to provide jobs and encourage flexible working. It seeks to motivate people to do their duty and favours penalties only as a last resort. Above all, it recognises that nothing is more important for society than that parents should be urged, and enabled, to be good parents. [Amitai Etzioni [The Parenting Deficit ISBN:1 898309 20 5] published by Demos in 1993. This book outlined the Community Marriage Policies being implemented in the US, the first one was in Modesto, California in 1986. In mid 2005 there are nearly 200.]
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".......... we withdrew tax benefits to families and to marriage. We should revisit this: it was, I believe now, a mistake." ["Tories have to win hearts and minds and recapture the centre" By John Major (Filed: 28/06/2005) The Daily Telegraph [There is more joy in heaven etc..... Ed] ]
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Preventive services may not only avert an impending crisis, but also avoid the need for later, more expensive, intervention....... improving the preventive power of parent education and family support work will require an increased understanding of how the right services can be made available ...... Evidence has accumulated that children who experience the breakdown of their birth parents' relationship run added risks of adverse educational, health and behavioural outcomes compared with those from similar social backgrounds whose families remain intact.... Research supports a view that conflict between parents - before, during and after separation - is among the more significant adverse influences on children. Recent research has underlined the distress that children feel at the time of separation and its aftermath in terms of lowered self-esteem and, for some, psychosomatic health problems and difficulties at school. It adds to the evidence that the chances of such problems occurring are greater where children have been through a number of family transitions (for example, their own parents' separation, life in a one-parent family, becoming part of a stepfamily and experiencing its subsequent breakdown)...... The focus of research on 'broken homes' and 'lone parenthood' no longer does justice to contemporary family organisation. Greater understanding is needed of the experiences of children spending all or part of their lives in cohabiting families, with a single (unmarried) mother, or in stepfamilies. The role of fathers merits closer examination as does that of the extended family .......... The causes of family breakdown deserve further investigation to discover how parents can best manage conflict in ways that minimise the hurt to their children......... More generally, it would make sense to study ordinary families - two parent, lone-parent or step - to find out how they manage as 'good enough' parents. The JRF pledges a continuing contribution to these and other family research needs........ evidence exists that much of the stress and adversity that currently diminishes the lives of parents and their children is unnecessary because it is preventable. [Family and parenthood: supporting families, preventing breakdown by David Utting is published by the Joseph Rowntree Foundation - Social Policy Summary 4 - February 1995]
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What makes a difference may not be fashionable, and it probably will not make a difference next week. Good, caring family support, parenting skills, child protection, long-term development work with young people, and putting the teaching of social behaviour alongside literacy and numeracy at the heart of the national curriculum should all be fundamental to local and national budgets, not the province of pilots, initiatives and one-offs. [Mr. Graham Allen MP (Nottingham, North) (Lab): 8 Sept 2004 : Hansard Column 262WH ]
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By this time tomorrow in every constituency in the United Kingdom an average of a thousand reports of antisocial behaviour will have been recorded. So tomorrow there will be over 66,000 new victims, whose homes, cars or physical or mental health have been damaged because of antisocial behaviour. By this time tomorrow this antisocial behaviour will have cost the taxpayer more than £164 million. I do not need to continue with these facts, because colleagues in all parts of the House realise from their own postbag how important the matter is. Thirteen years ago, when I started as a Member, it was one of a large number of items in the postbag; 20 per cent. or 30 per cent. of casework related to antisocial behaviour. Now it must be about 70 per cent. [Mr. Graham Allen MP (Nottingham, North) (Lab): 20 Jan 2004 Hansard Column 1266]
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Tolerance for diverse lifestyles can be combined with active support for the aspiration of men and women to marry. The aspiration to marry, still hugely popular, can be promoted, for example, by much greater provision of entirely voluntary education about relationships. President Bush’s healthy marriages initiative is one model. It does not compel anyone to attend marriage preparation classes but there is already evidence that they are preventing some unhealthy marriages from ever starting and giving other couples skills that they need to prosper. [Finally . . . a breakthrough idea for the Tories - Tim Montgomerie - To slim down a bloated State the obvious answer is to cut spending. But wait, that's the wrong end of the stick - The Times 15th July 2005 ]
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Hello my name is Sharon. I am a lone parent with an eight year old Son called Joshua. Until recently I spent just over a decade in the Estate Agency business. I struggled after having Joshua in a target driven and competitive role, which at times I found incredibly demanding. I had a tremendous guilt complex at having to leave Joshua to work, as I needed the money. My internal conflict was at times immense. The last five years of my life have seen some rather radical changes including separation and divorce, managing my own office for a small estate agency firm whilst living alone with a three year old......... Shirley is a fabulous Life Coach who through gentle speech, humour and guidance helps you observe your own actions. She guides you into the realisation that you have the power to change your actions and can identify and evaluate decisions that are potentially detrimental to values which you hold dear to your life and happiness. [Life Coaching Story - Shirley Hartup]
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"Sex before 16 is still illegal in this country but if the Government says 'here, have some contraception' or allows secret abortions, they're under-mining the very law they've set, as well as undermining relationships between parents and children." Mark Bhagwandin, education officer at the LIFE care centre in Liebenrood Road, west Reading, Berks [Sex crisis fears as abortions rates rise [in Reading area] Aug 4 2005 By Sophia Haque ]
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"I don't believe people are born with all the necessary attributes to develop their full potential in life. Many leadership and life skills must be learnt and developed as you grow up and go through life. Family, friends, workmates and other people we may meet all play a role in shaping and nurturing our character. Educating young people about values and ethics is a worthy and important way of helping them cope with this fast-moving, pressurised and constantly-changing world. We need to encourage our young people to be strong and stand up for what they believe is right, whatever pressures they may be under. If there is one virture, which I believe is above all others, it is that of integrity and good character." [George Wood MAYOR - NORTH SHORE CITY - Character Education Programme New Zealand]
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How much do you know about each other? To help you find out we recommend that you complete the thought provoking FOCCUS questionnaire. Couples have found this to be of great benefit as it highlights areas that it would be good to discuss prior to marriage. Topics covered include Money, Children, Expectations and Roles within Marriage....... Following on from FOCCUS we strongly recommend that you come along to the marriage preparation course. [The HTB/Alpha Marriage Preparation Course at Kings Church, Horsham]
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In Douglas Adams’s wickedly funny trilogy The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, a machine known as ‘Deep Thought’ has finally come up with the Answer to the Great Question of Life, the Universe and Everything. “You’re really not going to like it,” Deep Thought tells the mice who eagerly await the answer. “Tell us!” they shout. Deep Thought hesitates, pauses dramatically, then pronounces: “The Answer...is...42.” [So please try the Values Arrangement List under 'Personal identity and values tests' at this website where you can arrange in order of significance your 21 'operational' and 21 'life' values] [The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams]
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Marriage Preparation - Should We Marry or Not? The Beatles sang, “All you need is love.” Your friends might tell you, “Good communication is all you really need.” Your parents advise you, “The key is to marry someone with the same values.” Everyone has advice these days for people considering marriage, whether it's a first marriage or remarriage. The problem is, none of this advice is totally correct, nor is it totally incorrect. So, what premarital factors best predict the future success of your marriage? What kinds of couples should not get married? How do you know you are ready to marry? If you are in a serious relationship, should you pursue marriage, break up, or just keep things the same? Predicting a Satisfying Marriage - Social scientists and clinicians have found two dozen or so specific factors that predict future marital satisfaction. These factors can be viewed as forming a triangle — a model known as the marriage triangle. The three major factors in the triangle are: 1. Individual traits...... 2. Couple traits............3. Personal and relationship contexts....... Assesssing Yourself and Your Relationship - Knowing and understanding the premarital factors discussed above is the first step. The second step is assessing these factors in yourself and your relationship. This can be accomplished most effectively and easily by completing a comprehensive premarital assessment questionnaire (PAQ) and interpreting the results with your partner. Three high-quality PAQs that provide couples with useful feedback on their strengths and weaknesses in each of the areas above include: Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study (FOCCUS) ............ Each of these questionnaires can be completed in about an hour and provide you and your partner with a detailed written report about individual traits, couple traits, and contexts of your relationship. Strengths and weaknesses in each area are also highlighted..... It is important to note that these PAQs are not intended to be like a crystal ball that predicts marital happiness. Rather, the results are used as a way to focus discussions between partners on developing strengths and overcoming weaknesses before they marry. This is important to do because weaknesses that exist before marriage and are unknown or ignored usually develop into bigger problems after marriage. And, since couples in the premarital stage of their relationship are usually younger, happier, and more emotionally engaged and more highly committed to their relationship than at any other time in their relationship history, it makes sense to have these discussions before marriage......... [The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT)]
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Mary Brett, who teaches personal, health and social education at Dr Challoner's Grammar School in Buckinghamshire, said that the Leave it Till Later campaign was at least a step in the right direction. "I hope it is a sign that the Government is seeing sense," she said. "It is common sense after all, given the health and emotional risks of early sex. Any parent I have ever talked to does not want their children having early sex. "I don't know why the Teenage Pregnancy Unit finds that a 'striking' fact." [Just say no - ministers about turn in drive to cut teenage pregnancies - The Telegraph - Wednesday 25 October 2006 ]
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Much recent US research reports a consistent overarching finding that children who grow up in an ‘intact, two-parent family’ with both biological parents do better on a wide range of outcomes than children who grow up in a single-parent family. While this research may be instinctively difficult for those on the Left to accept, the British evidence seems to support it. [Freedom's Orphans: Raising youth in a changing world ISBN: 186030303x Author: Julia Margo and Mike Dixon with Nick Pearce and Howard Reed Contributors: Price: £12.95 Publication Date: 06 November 2006 [So why does the BBC, Joseph Rowntree Foundation, New Labour etc. choose to ignore the evidence about family structure? Ed.] ]
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